Sunday, February 19, 2006

Oh Bon Jovi, What Happened To Thee

From their newish country song that's all over the radio stations that I am forced to listen to at work, I quote: "Like a blind dawg without a bone/I was a Gypsy lost in the Twilight Zone/ I hijacked a rainbow and crashed into a Pot of Gold".

What In The Living Fuck do visually impaired canines, the Roma, and an old Sci-Fi Show have to do with leprechauns?

Worst Simile EVER!!!

Q: Does this show an total lack of respect for the intelligence of the audience,or does this make sense if you smoke something good?

Monday, February 13, 2006

Eye Are Eye Dee Ten Tea

The following is the text of an e-mail I just sent. If you didn't receive it, and you're reading this, that means I don't have your e-mail. Read the e-mail, and if you wish to respond, write to markjess at gmail dot com. Thanks

So, as the title of this e-mail would suggest, I am an idiot. While perhaps not the most surprising of admissions, I have manifested this behavior in a particularly idiotic fashion this time. After finishing my business on the toilet the other night, I promptly stood up and pulled up my trousers in a rather abrupt, authoritative manner, as if to say "Ha, showed you who's boss". No sooner had I done that, when I heard a splash coming from the commode, and looked with curiosity at the bowl. My cell phone had somehow, as a result of my authouritative pants yanking (please, no jokes) gone from my pocket to the, I must emphasize, CLEAN toilet bowl, and become wholly immersed in water. I pulled it out and tried to dry it out, but to no avail. The phone will not start up, and as such I have my phonebook, which I do not have a back up of.

So, this is a long way of saying, I can't remember phone number for shit, so if you could e-mail me with your contact info, it would be much appreciated. I should have a new phone within couple of days. At which time I will return to taking advantage of my unlimited long distance.



Saturday, February 11, 2006

Well Then

Those of you have read this blog in the past will know that a)the writing isn't all that good and b) it's infrequently updated, indeed, moribund since Canada Day last.

While I make no firm promises as to future updates, I will declare this: I hereby pledge myself to keeping this off of Smith's Dead Blogs link, from now until July, unless I really can't be bothered. So, with this wholly equivocal commitment made, let us begin to barely meet it.

When I started this, I was in Lethbridge, and had nothing better to do on the Internet than read webcomics and the blogs of everyone Steve knew, and others besides. But, last spring, two big things happened: I moved back to Edmonton, and I upgraded my computer. This meant that MSN would no longer be my main point of contact, and that I would be able to catch up on my PC gaming. I'd been gone from Counter-Strike too long to get back into as deep as I had been in second year. Yes, I was leet, or 1337, and nigh on uber 1337 when I had to leave the U of A. Some claim that the two or linked, but I believe that to be a fallacy of the sic hoc, ergo propter ho type.

Anyways, I played a little CS, but I didn't have the hardware to run CS: Source, and that's where all the action is these days, so I went and got hooked on an even better drug, World of WarCrack, er, WarCraft. This game is so wicked-awesome-cool, that I no longer was able to waste my time reading blogs, because I was wasting my time leveling a character, or trying to make money on the Auction House, or just Fishing. Yes, this game has fishing, and that's just one of the reasons I love it.

So, between that, and work, that's pretty much all I've been up to for the last 7 months or so. By mid-August I had a 36 Human Paladin on the same PvE server as my buddy Paul. Then, I went to Dark Iron, a PvP server, after the guys at Penny Arcade issued a call to defeat the PvP Online Horde. Long story short, I created a Dwarven Hunter, yadda yadda yadda, he's now level 50 and has a big red Hyena named Clifford, and I'm pissed off that I'm not at level 60 and running with all the people I used to run with. But, whatever, I've had 4 days that I haven't been paid for in the last fourty odd.

Yes, my name is Mark, and I am a Big Geek. In other news, I think I have decided what to do with my life, post-secondary & career wise. But that can wait, as it will give me an excuse for another post.

Friday, July 01, 2005

Walkin' Down Whyte

So, after making some awesome Chicken Tikka Marsala, Grilled Veggies and New Potatoes for dinner, went out to Wooly Bully's with the danimal, the poonstar, and the chad. I hadn't been out on Whyte in a couple of years, so I was suprised to see a bathroom attendant in the men's room not only there, but also at O'Byrnes. When did this become necessary? It's not as though these are high class establishments. And not only is it wholly unnecessary, but the bathroom at wooly's is relatively cramped, and this dude was blocking off an entire sink, leaving only half the taps available. Way to go guys, nothing classes up a rough-hewn wood panelled shitter more than some poor immigrant spraying you down with cologne. And don't get me wrong, I don't blame the dude working there, I actually feel sorry for him, because I know I want to talk to a bunch of drunk assholes right after they've heeded nature's call. No, if I'm corrrect in assuming that the gentleman in question were recent, or relatively recent immigrants, then I blame the government. Are we not constantly hearing about how there was a labour shortage in this province? And yet, rather than a training program to help new arrivals go work in industry, or whatever, the only job they can get is pumping soap on the hands of those who are perfectly capable of doing so themselves?

Anyways, left the bar early as I wasn't feeling well, so here are snippets of conversations I caught whilst ambling back down Whyte at midnight, June 30

Cop 1 to Cop 2: Hey, check out the new bulb I got for my flashlight, it's like superbright now. *shines light at driver coming out of alley, temporarily blinding driver*

Seriously, his exact words.

Azn chick "blah blah blah"
Azn dude "Oh Really?" with a wholly disinterested look.
Azn chick "blah blah blah"
Azn dude "Oh Really?"
Azn chick "blah blah blah"
Azn dude "Oh Really?"
Azn chick "blah blah blah"
Azn dude "Oh Really?"

Again, seriously, at least four times. and I write blah blah because I didn't make out a fair bit of it, but what I did was meaningless prattle.

Crazy guy walking past line of nicely done up musclecars parked in front of Don Wheaton "Are you happy that peopls sons are dying for your gas, your oil *something something* Fuck George Bush *something something* Your car's look great you MURDERERS!!!"

From the looks of the guys driving the cars, they nearly were. Or at least, Ass Whuppers :P

Friday, April 22, 2005

Well, that's a shocker...

You Are 23 Years Old


Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe.

13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world.

20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences.

30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more!

40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.

Wednesday, April 20, 2005

This Is What Happens When Geeks, well, Geek Out

I Am A: Lawful Neutral Half-OrcFighter Ranger

Lawful Neutral characters believe in the triumph of law and order above all else. It does not matter whether the leader is for good or evil; the leader will be followed, because the order they provide is the most important thing.

Half-Orcs are a cross between a human and an orc. Generally, this kind of mating does not occur willingly, so half-orcs are almost never raised by a full set of parents. They tend to be less intelligent and attractive than humans, but are generally stronger and hardier. Violence is a part of their nature, and few half-orcs manage to overcome this to follow other professions. They are generally treated with disdain by other races, if not outright hostility.

Primary Class:
Fighters are the warriors. They use weapons to accomplish their goals. This isn't to say that they aren't intelligent, but that they do, in fact, believe that violence is frequently the answer.

Secondary Class:
Rangers are the defenders of nature and the elements. They are in tune with the Earth, and work to keep it safe and healthy.

Helm is the Lawful Neutral god of guardians and protectors. His followers believe in vigilance and preparedness, and are always ready for whatever confronts them. They wear plate mail, sometimes with gold embossing, with an open eye set into the breastplate, and an open-faced helmet. Helm's symbol is an open eye in a gauntlet.

Find out What D&D Character Are You?, courtesy ofNeppyMan (e-mail)

Tuesday, April 05, 2005

May I Have Your Attention Please

It has come to the attention of the management that there was an egregious error on the post of March 12, 2005, entitled Always Has A Sweater On. Mad props, thanks, and gratitude should have been extended to one Erin D'Amico, for her assistance with track selection and placement. We wish to apologize for any confusion this may have caused.

The management will now commit seppuku.